Nerding up life, theology, technology, and more

Choose Wisely

It matters where you do your PhD.

It may not be something you’re thinking about now, but when you’re part of a teaching faculty, such as the illustrious Moore College faculty, for example, sitting on a stage in your academic finery (as they were tonight for the graduation ceremony), you want to look your best.

Sorry, Paul Williamson, but crimson, baby blue, and royal purple are not a great combination. Strike out Belfast.

And a big maroon-ish-purple overcoat is pretty bad too: strike out both Sydney’s own Macquarie University (Campbell, Gibson) and London (Bolt, Barnett).

Turns out that Cambridge is the place to go (Salier, Höhne, Rosner, Shead): sharp and simple.

Knowing

My mum used to work with a bunch of people who ranked movies by how much better they were than Stargate. There’s now a new contender for that honorable position.

knowingposter08.jpg.jpeg Do not, under any circumstances, go see the movie Knowing. It’s the new Nicolas Cage movie, which in many circles is enough to put you off seeing it, but it is seriously bad. Really and truly. Awful. Awful awful awful.

Under no circumstances.

SMH reviewed it as ‘sinfully awful’, which is probably kind. [video link].

Let me explain. Kristy and I are part of ClubInk, as subscribers to FilmInk magazine. This means that we get a double pass to the movie of the month, which tends to be an advance screening somewhere. It’s a great thing to join up to, as we’ve seen a lot of movies we otherwise wouldn’t have gone to: Persepolis, Run Fatboy Run, Away From Her, Blindness, and a bunch more.

Presumably the idea is that film buffs are the types that subscribe to the magazine and get these tickets. They go see the movie before it is widely released, talk about it to their friends, who respect their opinion because they’re film buffs, and the movie gets an extra tier of word-of-mouth marketing.

This time, that strategy backfired a little.

Last night, Chris and I went to see Knowing (a ‘gnostic parable‘). It is almost unspeakably bad. From the little non-sensical details, to the relentlessly wooden characters, to the plot that starts out as slightly promising, gets quickly stupid, and ends up as a disaster.

There are three redeeming moments in the film, all of them spectacular action sequences:

That’s right – they’re on youtube, so you can watch them there. I repeat: do not see this movie.
(A quick note about the above youtube links: some of the destruction is pretty graphic. The squeamish amongst you: consider yourselves warned.)

If you’re still thinking that it might be a good idea to go see this movie, allow me to reveal all the relevant plot points. This movie is meant to be a thriller, so knowing what happens means you don’t need to see it, right? Here we go:

  • Time capsule buried 50 years ago, containing pictures of the future by school kids.
  • Time capsule dug up in the present day.
  • Nic Cage’s kid gets page full of numbers, not a pretty picture.
  • Hero of story (Nic Cage’s character) figures out numbers are prophecy, detailing every major disaster: date, location, and number killed.
  • Kid starts hearing strange whispering, and seeing ghost-like strange men.
  • 2 major disasters happen, as predicted by list.
  • Next disaster on the list is the total destruction of earth by a massive solar super-flare (Nic Cage happens to be an astrophysics professor). Number dead this time round: EE (Everyone Else).
  • Nic Cage & Rose Byrne and their respective son & daughter travel to the home of the woman who wrote the original prophecy.
  • Aliens come to greet them, and take away the son & daughter to start over again.
  • Yep, aliens.
  • I was really hoping it wasn’t going to be aliens, but then they went and showed up.
  • They come down in this big spinny spiky UFO thing.
  • Boy and girl are given a rabbit each, and taken off to a different planet, which looks remarkably like Middle Earth/the Garden of Eden/New Zealand. I assume they’re meant to learn from the rabbits.
  • The sun blows up, and everyone on earth dies.
  • Seriously.

Add to that some creepiness in the characterisation, a truckload of ham-fisted religious symbolism, and (admittedly good in places) special effects.

This movie is the worst thing I’ve seen since Daredevil. Which we stopped after 25 minutes and broke the DVD in half.

Don’t see it.

Are we clear?

Music in Church

Michael Jensen has been putting together a list of a bunch of blogs written or contributed to by Moore College Students. It’s an interesting and eclectic list.

One of the sites in this compilation I came across has to do with the perennial problem of church music – what is it for, how do you do it well, and what are the really sucky things that should never be done anywhere? What are The Rules?

A taste:

If you are a double clapper, just cut it out. Clap on the beat if you want, but if you think it’s a good idea to bust out a double clap at the end of the line, or the double-time clap in the bridge (who does that!?), then your hands should be gaffa-taped to your sides until you learn your lesson.

I don’t know who it’s by, but it’s a cracker.

Bingo

Issues in Theology is a 4th-year Moore College seminar subject, where students present a paper in seminar form, ideally in an accessible format as the result of theological research. Each hour of the class entails a student presentation, with feedback and question time from the rest of the class.

few friends and I put our heads together, and came up with a set of bingo scoresheets to make the presentation schedule a mite more interactive, and potentially entertaining, than it would otherwise have been (h/t Ars and PhD Comics).

Part of the game is working out when certain criteria are fulfilled. It takes skill to spot hobby horses, both in presenters and in questions from the floor. Then again, sometimes it doesn’t. Deciding when a text is a proof text is something born of practice and habit. How long is an awkward silence? How many repetitions constitute repeated use? Such judgement calls will no doubt be fruit for long and heated discussion over coffee after the first “Bingo” is called.

Without further ado, I present to you the Unofficial 2009 Issues in Theology Bingo Scoresheet. To mix things up somewhat, randomised arrangements can be substituted. Explanations of categories are below.

issues-bingo

[click image for high res version]

[Variants: v1 (low | high), v2 (low | high), v3 (low | high), v4 (low | high), v5 (low | high)]
[low res: 800x572; high res: 1280x915]

Question on Trinity: Any question that refers to the persons of the Trinity, a scholar noted for work on the Trinity, or any talk of relationships being the foundation and pattern of life. Bonus marks for mention of perichoresis.

Speaker just reads text: Lack of eye contact, or any other signs of life.

Comic Sans or Marker Felt: Use of these fonts in presentations is grounds for a fine.

Bashes Christian Thinker: Either orthodox or liberal. Must not be sustained engagement, but a short hatchet job.

Repeated use of “um…”: Any variant, such as “er…”, “ah…”, “like, you know…”, etc., is acceptable.

Blatant gimmick: Use of lollies, games, videos, or anything else employed solely to gain audience approval.

Powerpoint malfunction: This square covers laptop, software, projector, or audio maladies. Ugly slides are a line-ball here, but you can try to argue the point.

Mobile goes off: This square is free the week after Anglican candidates start looking for jobs.

No idea what’s going on: Either you or the presenter.

Awkward Silence: How long is a piece of string? Don’t worry, you’ll feel it.

Hobby horse: Easier to spot in a presentation, although instances implicit in a question also count.

Blatant typo: Extra credit if it’s a name or technical term. Apostrophes count.

Runs out of time: Free.

Buzzword: Any term that is used semi-technically in Christian contexts (think Anglican equivalents of ‘synergy’ or ‘leverage’).

Proof text: A text without a context is a pretext for a prooftext.”

Lecturer falls asleep: The 8am class has a distinct advantage here.

Not a “theological” issue: Any paper that is primarily ethical, pastoral, or in the realm of biblical studies.

Starts with apology: Sorry, you’ll have to forgive me for this one.

No mention of Jesus: Bummer.

Use of Greek/Hebrew/German/Latin/etc.: These presentations are meant for a lay audience. They don’t understand Greek or Hebrew, the speaker probably doesn’t understand German or Latin.

Spoonerism: Don’t pitch your tent round the wrong way.

Speaker dressed for occasion: Any marked change in the quality of the student’s attire on the day of their presentation (either up or down).

No pastoral application: Another bummer.

Outline has alliteration: The classic – a 3 point outline, each entry beginning with the same letter. Acronyms also count. Extra credit if the last item is mangled to make it fit (Powerful, Persuasive, imPressive).

Mentions church-planting: This is fast becoming the standard application to theological students:“read your Bible more, pray, and go plant a church”. A passing reference to Mark Driscoll will get you over the line here.